yup

I should have seen it coming. Maybe one of these days I'll learn. I doubt it though. After all, I don't really want to learn.

Poetry

hey boy, you know you don't
you know you don't dare now
to get too close to this flame
hey boy, it's too late to care now

hey boy, you know I won't
you know it's not for you I smile now
alone I've found my own joy
hey boy, I've been away awhile now

and little boy I can do this
you better not think to dare now
you made me run into the cold
hey boy, I don't even care now
4-2-01



A hopeless longing fills me
A dream I wish I could leave behind
For a loves face I dare not seek
Of these feelings I wish I could be blind
Why must love always haunt me
But never truly give itself to me
Lending me momentary joy, then pain
Until loneliness is all I can see
I never wished for this intrusion
I hid in safety behind my wall
But this incomplete love always finds me
In the end I always fall
4-17-01



oh how I have longed for this
how I have begged and begged for this
could it be real?
are you my shining one?
or is this too only illusion
only a harsh trick played by light
I have too many times reached for these stars
only to cut myself
on the false shimmer of broken glass
my soul cries for completion
for the one filled with star dust and light
one who shines as bright as I
am I grasping only at dreams
fooling myself into believing this
or are you my shining one out there?
are you the one for whom I wait?
4-19-01



I love to touch you
to feel your skin
smooth beneath my fingers
hard muscle underneath
to lay my head on your chest
coarse hair beneath my cheek
the safety of your arms around me
and heart beat under my ear
the softness of your lips on mine
the taste of you skin on my tongue
the weight of your body over me
this bliss is surely divine
4-20-01



I want to scream, long and loud
but fear inside grips me
fear that I will never stop
once started, it will never end
I am slipping into the blackness
getting caught in this mire
the screams echo with in
nothing can pull me out now
hope is nearly gone from me
please let this fire extinguish
I don't want to fight anymore
I am too weary to stand any longer
4-21-01




Sadness falls softly like a shadow
like twilight in November
before you know it darkness has fallen
And you have fallen to your knees

No diamonds have been spilled across my sky
No feathery beams of silver moon light embrace me
Only blackness surrounds me
Circling softly on talloned feet

I await a dawn I never see
Golden ribbons never uncurl before my eyes
With no warm kiss of the sun to rouse me
My soul lies lost, as birds circle round
04-01

Poetry

Where does love go when it is lost
do the years eat it away
nibbling around the edges until it is gone
or does it simply fade away
a pressed rose left out in the sun
petals brittle, faded & cracked
crumbling to dust when touched
savage wind blowing it all away
clouds slipping to cover the sun
cover these wounds left in my heart
bleeding holes I don't know how to fill
clouds creating a darkness worse than night
standing alone, no protection from the rain
I wonder where did our love go
how did we let it slip away
out here all alone I know I won't return
1-4-01



curled into a ball of pain
as this fragile kingdom
crashes at my feet
I never wanted this life
I never asked for your love
but I never thought I'd admit defeat

I loved you in the best way I could
still it was never quite enough
to make you give yourself to me
you stayed high above on your throne
if I was your queen or slave, I was never sure
all I could do couldn't make you see

once, you were everything to me
every wish, and dream, and hopeful stare
didn't you know, all I could see was you
thoughtless words that broke me down
spending your charm on every woman but me
I was alone by your side, what else could I do?

returned again to you your crown
no longer reigning sorrow at your side
slipped quietly off this golden throne
I will find my way in the world alone
strength and hope will be my guides
don't you see, I was never yours to own
01-09-01



if I could I would burn down heaven tonight
remove this all from my sight
find a way to gain control
tear down these walls in my soul
is there anyone out there I can truly trust?
or will my heart fade away, falling to dust?
As I cry, my tears make the stone
safe here inside, ever alone
1-17-01



I would sing down the stars
To be with you tonight
I would give anything
To have you in my sight

My empty arms ache
To hold you close to me
You are the only thing
These tired eyes want to see

I will curl under my blanket
With nothing here to hold
And go to sleep another night
These kisses left untold
01/17/01



I never knew
Love could be like this
Gentle and sweet
Such joy in our kiss

I never know
Love like the ocean
Quiet and depth less
A song with each motion

I always knew
Fire and passion soon burn away
But a love like water
Perhaps that can stay
01/21/01



Safe Within the Storm

A dark storm is brewing
Gray clouds are rolling in
Hush my dear sweet child
Think no more of sin

Rain clouds are falling
Portending the coming storm
Sleep now my dear one
My arms to keep you dry and warm

As lightning crashes overhead
Illuminating the night
Rest easy my little one
I will hold you in my sight
01-24-01