Too much of a good thing?

It seems that for some reason I draw love to me. Powerful, life long love. Love that I have not asked for, or tried in anyway to get. Love that is all encompassing. Love that sometimes I don't necessarily want, at least not in the way it is offered.

My forever unrequited lover, Colin. The one who is also made of fire. That is why it would never, could never have been.
One kiss is all it would have taken. I know I would have been yours, helplessly bound to you. But I know that you would have belonged to me, as surely as I would have belonged to you. So we danced around this, lest we chain ourselves to each other.
It would have been ill fated from the start. I think that you knew it just as well as I did. The fire would burn too hot. We would burn each other to ashes. But oh, how badly I once wanted to let you consume me.

There was John, my first true passion, the one who tried to steal my fire.
You were earth. I had believed you were the rich soil in which to plant my dreams, to nurture and care for me for all of my days. There was just enough soil on the surface to hide the fact that you were really cold, hard rock. Just enough soil to get me to try to dig.
By the time I hit the rocks my hands were already so dirty that I believed I had no choice but to try to chip those rocks away, to discover what was hidden beneath them. I chipped & chipped at the stone. I dug & dug. No longer a furrow to plant my dreams in, but a grave to bury my heart, my soul, and all of my tomorrows.
I dug deeper, and deeper, with my bare and bleeding hands, while you piled stones upon me.. Stones with names like possession (which you called love), ownership (which you called sex), degradation (which you called honesty, or nothing at all), abuse, most often emotional, sometimes physical (these too you called love, or honesty, or sometimes an accident, or a misunderstanding).
I still wonder how I managed to pull myself out of that hole alive. Granted, I had many hands ready to help from the other side, but somehow I still had to dug far enough out to reach for them.
Your love tried to consume me. It almost did too. But I learned the strength of the phoenix, and rose from the ashes, refined by the fire inside of me, ready to burn me alive. You taught me of strength, the price of my soul, and my own self worth. In the end the price of your love was too high to pay. It doesn't mean I loved you any less. Now I can look back with sadness, and even a little fondness. I'm starting to be able to remember the good times.
I learned strength, and pain, and neither were easy. But such important lessons. I learned what I don't want, and who I don't want to be. I think both are as important as knowing what you want, and who you want to be, if not more so.

Kyle, my darling, my ocean. So deep, and endless, and seemingly calm. I know water's violence can be just as fierce, and just as deadly, as fire's hunger, or the weight of stone.
You lifted be up, and floated me away from all that caused me so much pain. You washed over me, cleansing me, purifying my soul and my heart.
So very stable, and so very vast, I am scared that someday I will drown in this calm. Oh, I know you will never do this intentionally, but you'll do it all the same. As you send waves of stability and serenity towards me, they turn into emptiness, and stagnation. Little by little they douse my fire around the edges.
Someday there will be nothing left of me all. Just a little pile of ashes, too soggy to rise from ever again. But so long as I am here, will you ever notice that you have clipped my wings, and drowned the spark in my soul?

And then there is Irene, my wings, the one who is my gravity, who I think will get her own post.

I feel like I'm missing the point somewhere. I have so much love in my life, so very much. What is in store for me, that I would need to draw such love to me?

talking

All I want is someone to talk to
all I want is someone to talk to
all I want is someone to talk to
all I want is someone to talk to
Is there anybody out there I can talk to?
There must be someone out there
that I can tell everything to
There must be someone who will understand me
somewhere
All I want is someone to be able to tell everything to
All I want is someone I can talk to

perpetual motion

Thoughts on my need to be constantly in motion, in a state of change. After talking to a friend who is the same way.

Maybe it's not an attempt to flee our emotional problems at all. Maybe it's the appeal of the challenge & the adversity. Not in a Goth, depressed, mopey, hold ourselves down sort of way.
Instead for the emotional and/or intellectual stimulation of being challenged. The desire to keep testing ourselves, to be assured that we won't ever be found wanting. To be sure we're still sharp, still alive. Because we are more fulfilled by the things we have to work for, the things won at a cost.
Or maybe I just want to convince myself that what I'm doing isn't unhealthy, that it's not just running away from my emotional issues.




_____________________________________________________________
Comments:

Patience

Change is good... it brings about character and sometimes tests our faith in God... but sometimes it's just as important to be still and wait on God's direction and his hand to move. That doesn't mean that you're lazy, it just means that you're content with waiting on God's voice... sometimes the still gentle whispers - don't miss them Aeryn.

Patience

Security Flaws Could Cripple Missile Defense Network

Security Flaws Could Cripple Missile Defense Network

"The network that stitches together radars, missile launch sites and command control centers for the Missile Defense Agency (MDA) ground-based defense system has such serious security flaws that the agency and its contractor, Boeing, may not be able to prevent misuse of the system, according to a Defense Department Inspector General's report released late last month.
The network, which was also developed to conform to more than 20-year-old DOD security policies rather than more recent guidelines, lacks a comprehensive user account management process, the report said. Neither MDA nor Boeing conducted required Information Assurance (IA) training for users before they were granted access to the network, the report stated.
Because of this poor information security, the DOD IG report said, MDA and Boeing officials "may not be able to reduce the risk and magnitude of harm resulting from misuse or unauthorized access or modification of information [on the network] and ensure the continuity of the system in the event of an interruption."
Stephen Young, an MDA analyst at UCS, said the security flaws could affect operation of the entire GMDS project. "The network is absolutely essential to GMDwithout it, the system can't work."
A MDA spokesman said his agency would not answer any press questions until it responds to the IG report on March 24.
MDA budget documents describe the GCN as a fiber-optic network interconnected with military satellites. These budget documents said the GCN connects the two missile silo sites with control and communications nodes at Fort Greely and Shriever Air Force Base and the Cheyenne Mountain Operations Center, both in Colorado, as well as radars in Alaska and a test bed in Huntsville, Ala."

Gee, this is comforting

Credit Agencies Adopt New Credit Scoring Sysytem

Agencies Adopt New Credit Scoring System

"Consumer Credit Reporting Agencies Create New Credit Scoring System to Simplify the Loan Process.
The nation's three major consumer credit bureaus have created a new credit scoring system designed to make it easier for financial institutions to evaluate loan applications and to give consumers a better way of measuring their financial health.
The credit reporting agencies -- Equifax, Experian and TransUnion -- announced Tuesday (03/15/06) that they're introducing "VantageScore" to banks, mortgage lenders and credit card companies immediately. The new scores will be available to consumers after the lender rollout, probably later this year.
The credit reporting agencies said in their announcement that VantageScore "will provide consumers and businesses with a highly predictive, consistent score that is easy to understand and apply."
In addition to the credit agency scores, some large lenders generate their own internal scores, often using credit bureau data. And many lenders, especially those in the mortgage business, use FICO scores, which are named for the Minneapolis-based Fair, Isaac Corp. that developed them.
Thomas G. Grudnowski, the chief executive officer of Fair, Isaac, said that "for the past 20 years, we've been both cooperating and competing with the credit bureaus ... and that will continue." He added that it could take a long time to establish a competing system.
Dana Wiklund, senior vice president for predictive sciences at Equifax, said that VantageScore "is a new, competitive product to give lenders greater choice, and hopefully greater accuracy, in credit scoring." He added: "The rate of adoption will determine ultimately if the (new) score replaces any in-house or generic scores in the market."
VantageScore ratings will range from 501 to 990. The top end is slightly higher than scores currently in use.
In a separate statement, Experian said the new scores will be grouped on "the familiar academic scale." Experian gave these groupings, with A and B being the best potential borrowers and D and F being the weakest."

Interesting. I wonder how banks and other lenders will start implementing the new system, and how long it will take for it to fully replace the old sytem.

These folks need some family therapy...

Messy Daughter Fights Back By Humiliating Dad

"An exasperated father has discovered to his cost that cyberspace is not the ideal arena for family feuds. Two weeks ago Steve Williams became so fed up with his daughter's messy bedroom that he built a website featuring pictures of his slothful offspring's lair in an attempt to shame her into action.
But the public humiliation proved a short-lived victory. While it did spur his daughter, Claire, into tidying up her room, it also whet her appetite for revenge. With the help of her father's friends, the 20-year-old business student has now set up a rival website that displays photos of him in a variety of compromising situations.
"The boot's on the other foot now, but I suppose I deserve it," said Mr Williams
Despite the embarrassment, Mr Williams said he had no regrets.
Mr. Williams' site,www.shameit.com, has proved hugely popular with disgruntaled families from all over the world. Nearly 40,000 people have visited the site in it's first fortnight."

I can not say how much their behavior disgusts me.

Man Shot In Head During Uptown Robbery

Man Shot In Head During Uptown Robbery

A 25-year-old man is in critical condition after a Saturday night shooting in Uptown.The man was walking with his mother, sister and her friend after they finished dinner in a restaurant at Hennepin Avenue and Lake Street.
According to police, two men approached the group about 10 p.m. at 31st Street and Girard Avenue South. The suspects allegedly stole the mother's purse. Then, even though the victims didn't put up a fight, the suspects allegedly fired two shots, hitting the man in the head.
Ronald Barry, who lives in the apartment building next to where the shooting occurred said, "I heard the shots ... a lady screaming. I called 911 and ran to their aid. There was obviously nothing I could do for the guy. I mean, it was a horrible sight."
The victim's mother was visiting from Virginia. The group was attacked only blocks away from the restaurant where they ate.
Kris Arenson, an inspector from the Minneapolis Police Department said, "Usually when the purse is given up, or even if the purse isn't given up, we haven't had any (people) that have been shot."
Police said the suspects immediately fled the scene, jumped into a white car and headed south on Girard Avenue.
While the area is not known for violence, resident Justin Ellis wasn't surprised there would be a robbery outside his building. "Last summer, I was walking to my car early in the morning before work, I had an early meeting, and I got mugged," Ellis said. That day, Ellis got away, but a woman on Hennepin Avenue didn't.
Police gave vague descriptions of the suspects, only saying they are men between 17 years old and 22 years old and were both wearing dark clothing. Anyone with information about the shooting is asked to call the Minneapolis Police Department at 612-692-8477.


Victim of Uptown shooting dies

Minneapolis police said today that a man who was critically wounded in a shooting in Uptown on Saturday night died Sunday.
Robberies in Minneapolis' Uptown area, where Michael Zebuhr of Buckhannon, W. Va., was shot, have spiked several times in the past year. That brought an increased police presence, arrests and a temporary lull in Uptown robberies, police leaders say.
Police have been focusing patrols on the nearby Whittier and Stevens Square neighborhoods along Franklin Avenue, which have traditionally had more of the Fifth Precinct's street crime, said Inspector Kris Arneson. That may have pushed crime toward Uptown, she said.
Residents and business owners share police concern about the violent, but unusual, robbery.
Zebuhr was shot about 10 p.m. while returning to a car with his mother and two others from an Uptown restaurant.
He was a 2005 graduate of Davis & Elkins College in Elkins, W. Va., and is a graduate student in bioengineering at Clemson University in Clemson, S.C. He was in Minneapolis to visit his sister with their mother, Suzanne Strong. Police said Zebuhr was shot after two men grabbed his mother's purse. Police had made no arrests Monday, and they said there may also have been more suspects in a getaway vehicle.
Arneson noted that robbery has increased in the precinct this year, but not significantly in Uptown, where crime often occurs just outside the commercial hub on side streets.
Police say street crimes like robbery seem to be moving south and west from the Whittier and Stevens Square neighborhoods toward Hennepin and Lake.
Robberies in the Fifth Precinct have increased 43 percent to about 100 so far this year over last, Arneson said. Citywide, robberies grew 39 percent in the same period, according to police data through March 13.
Authorities said that despite the violence of Saturday's robbery, few victims are shot if they oblige a robber's request.
It is unclear whether Saturday's incident is linked to other cases. Lubinski said there were no "strong constant" patterns in robberies this year, which are up in each precinct.
Anyone with information about the robbery is asked to call 612-692-TIPS.

This was just 4 blocks from my apartment. And they did everything you're supposed to if you get mugged. Everything. And this guy still got shot. I'm about ready to move to the country.

One More Poem

Glazed eyes staring out into the cold
grey skies, grey heart
all the color has bleed away
no blacks, no whites, it's all shades of grey

a silence descends on my soul
left here with out a voice
waiting for the purity of snow
to lay a blanket over me

night and day cycle endlessly
each as grey as the last
while all my regrets
cycle endlessly in my brain

I look to the sky in vain
searching of any sign of change
any pale hint of color
any sign of life over the horizon

(03-03-06)

Two new poems (mostly finished)

You shine on me gently
a distant star
in the cold, unforgiving night

I fear your disintigration
as the frozen space
tries to close you in

I want to bring you close
to keep you from the darkness
to keep you warm

a swirling supernova
you hold such power
in a single word, a sigh

you have woven a net
star-fire, to cover over me
I can not fight this

enraptured by your light
I wait silently
longing for your embrace
(03-03-06)


A shining supernova
in the expanse of darkness
I am enraptured by you

a net of star-fire
a shining silken ribbon
your likely snare

I can not fathom it
the power you hold
for you I'd burn oceans

you hold heaven in your eyes
fire on your lips
in your heartbeat is my breath
(03-03-06)




______________________________________________________________
Comments:
(Originally posted on myspace on April 25th)

Patience

04/27/06 8:28am

She is certainly a lucky girl to have caught your attention like that!

Patience

____________________________________________________________

Aeryn

04/27/06 10:58am

*S* A Ralph Waldo Emmerson quote comes to mind-
"Thou art a delicious torment to me."

Poetry

If the moon
refused to shine
if the sun
hid from us his face
my world
would not be dark
you are my light
water in the desert
the voice
calling me home
into your arms
into refuge
from the cruel world
where everything changes
you always stay
close to me
(01-01-05)

If love
was all butterflies
it would be easy
to stay together
forever
life is never
simple
never a fairytale
we fight each day
to keep in step
the bitter makes the sweet
which we hold so close
that binds our souls
locked
in each other's arms
even my dreams
are of you
(01-01-05)

Luscious vision of summer
it felt like death
beneath you
sweet wind
whispering my name
(01-01-05)

Drunk in the moment
never was winter so sweet
like rain
honey
the moon
a spring in the forest
a dream of light
an eternity in your arms
I will sleep tonight
singing in shadows
(01-01-05)

Poetry

love is a drug
heavy in my soul
between
night and fire
making time long
it's never my life
that I live
as you play
so sweetly with me
I'm screaming
beneath the noise
12-04

Poetry

I am blank
empty inside
waiting for dark
waiting for home
waiting for something
to write on my soul
something that will be
mine alone
01-03-04




the game
is always being played
it's been going on for ages
but now
it's about to shift
you can feel it in the air
things are about to change
things are about to get nasty
I wait with anticipation
just like the rest of them
it doesn't seem that anyone
can win this one
I await the blood
I await the triumph
after all
who really cares who wins?
so long as there is someone
broken and bleeding
01-03-04




turn your head for a moment
and you will get lost
never really able
to catch up again
to wear you were
where you knew
exactly what was going on
turn your head for a moment
and the moment
is forever gone
01-03-04

Poetry

sitting here
you want me to play
a game
I don't know the rules to
a game
you know I can't win
sometimes I think
you just want to see me lose
12-10-03


I want to cut myself
just to know I'm still living
I wonder sometimes
these days
you are never more alive
than when you watch your blood flow
I want to let myself starve
so that I truly know what hunger is
you can never really appreciate anything
until it is gone from you
I want to scream
to be sure I still have a voice
I've been silent for so long
for too long
I want to feel alive again
I am half dead
half asleep
a zombie walking through my days
I go through all the motions
everyday
acting out my life
as if I am really there
12-22-03

Poetry

if I were thin
if I were pretty
maybe they would listen when I speak
if I had ever learned to joke
to laugh
maybe I would be included in the conversation
if I was witty
maybe we could be friends
if I wasn't so weak
maybe I wouldn't care
11-26-03

Poetry

He wears a Harvard t-shirt
As he steps on the bus
Coming from the community college
Does he see the irony in it?
I turn my gaze back to my book
After all, you don't want to get caught
noticing other people
Not on the bus in the city
I wonder if he has Harvard dreams
Ivy league friends, afternoons of rugby
Dreams of a six digit starting salary
If you study hard enough
Want it bad enough
It can happen
Another pretty lie told to children
Does he know he's too old to believe this?
That he should be cynical and jaded
Just like the rest of us
There is no room for Harvard dreams
Not on this city bus.




water is a purifying substance
cool caresses of the river
wrapped in a lover's embrace in the shower
sweet kiss, to temper the flames that burn with in
they still rise, higher and hotter
never cooling down, always continuing to grow
I fear what may happen
if they are able to get out of my control
surely something I will regret
my heart burnt out, broken by my own hands
soul a charred pile, smoldering ash
I will lay down in cool water tonight
I will tie cinder blocks to my hands
to my feet
I will not allow this fire to consume me
I will not be my own angel of death
instead I will fill my lungs with this divine gift
and become my own
angel of mercy




I have breathed in the moon
I have known what it is to truly love
I have been my own best friend
my own worst enemy
I have spent summer days that never ended
I have spent nights that were eternal
I have known desire's touch and the star's sweet kiss
I have been caressed by the sun
I have been warmed by a mother's endless love
I have known divinity, and the meaning of sacredness
I have known what it is to be at peace with all things
somehow though, it isn't enough




the stars kiss me, sweet and shyly
the moon has embraced me, cool and soft
she has called me her daughter
claimed me as her own

it's never the same after
the sun seems too bright
too hot and cruel
the cover of night is my only sanctuary

I become more like her
cool, distant, mesmerizing, aloof
I am thin, then round, then thin again
until finally in the night I slip into nothing at all

look for me not on the cold earth
but in the expanse of the sky
I will kiss you still
with the shy and sweet kiss of starlight

(All from 09-12-03)

Poetry

if I could
freeze time
here within
this moment
I would
be content
to be in your arms
forever
7-18-01




let this moment
last forever
there is no where else
I could wish to be
then right here
within your arms
nothing else
could be this good
7-18-01

Poetry

I want to gather
these miles between us
like unused ribbon
laying on the floor
to make them disappear
with my small hands
to bring you near
within my arms once more
6-14-01



my lips have grown cold
my hands tired with longing
a phone that doesn't ring
and an empty bed
are all I have
remove this torment from me
burn this love from my heart
I am tired and sick with desire
I ache to be in your arms
alone here with a weary soul
warm my lips with your kiss
awaken my hands with your touch
let me see your face
and lay close to you
let my soul feel alive
6-14-01




filled with this desire
the weight of
your lips on mine
of your body
the sweetness
of your hands
on my skin
of your kiss
let you hands
travel my flesh
your kisses
intoxicate me
fill me body and soul
this joy is divine
your weight on me
and the world disappears
6-14-01




I long for your kiss
how my lips miss
the sweetness
of your own
your voice
gentle in my ear
your arms
wrapped around me
surely there is nothing
more true than this
when you touch me
my spirit
takes flight
6-14-01

I felt the stars collide at your touch
I saw heaven within your eyes and hand
I didn't think I would want this so much
in your arms I find a safe place to land

all the sky diamonds shine for us tonight
the moon smiles her beauty on you and I
bathing us in such a radiant light
kiss me here, under the blanket of sky

as we touched, I felt the world spinning round
only for us the wind sang it�s silent song
didn't know I was lost until I was found
when I am not near you, time is ever long
take my hand and fly away with me now
under pale moonlight I will show you how
02/06/01


I love to touch you
to feel your skin
smooth beneath my fingers
hard muscle underneath
to lay my head on your chest
coarse hair beneath my cheek
the safety of your arms around me
and heart beat under my ear
the softness of your lips on mine
the taste of you skin on my tongue
the weight of your body over me
this bliss is surely divine
4-20-01




I Love You

how fragile these words sound
how we dare not say them
as if to admit it
will bring down heavy clouds
baring into our souls
unraveling our hearts
and our hands
from each other's bodies
but I will drop all my fears
and say it now boldly
even if you can not hear
and the earth will not shatter
our limbs will remain entwined
my lips and heart still warm
from your kiss
I miss you tonight
and I love you
6-14-01

Poetry

with a kiss you awakened me
from the deep sleep of the soul
my numb and dead body
alive again with your touch
you gave me strength
to climb from the ashes
this dead thing I called life
was soon far behind me
when you touch me
I know that I am truly alive
5-01



let me slip back into dreams
at least there I can hold you
and keep you close to me
feeling you at my side
daylight comes far to soon
I must awake, alone in my bed
knowing as I reach for you
my arms will come away empty
let me dream of you again
your arms tight around me
for I am alone here
at least for tonight
5-30-01




wake me from this dream
that you are close to me
I spend these sleepless nights
longing for your touch
my sleep holds dreams of you
yet I awake alone
wondering where you are
reaching out to hold you
I walk the streets aimlessly
looking for something I will not find
longing only to see your face
to feel your lips on mine
come to me soon my dearest
only your touch can awaken me
put your arms around me
let me feel alive again
5-30-01

Poetry

hey boy, you know you don't
you know you don't dare now
to get too close to this flame
hey boy, it's too late to care now

hey boy, you know I won't
you know it's not for you I smile now
alone I've found my own joy
hey boy, I've been away awhile now

and little boy I can do this
you better not think to dare now
you made me run into the cold
hey boy, I don't even care now
4-2-01



A hopeless longing fills me
A dream I wish I could leave behind
For a loves face I dare not seek
Of these feelings I wish I could be blind
Why must love always haunt me
But never truly give itself to me
Lending me momentary joy, then pain
Until loneliness is all I can see
I never wished for this intrusion
I hid in safety behind my wall
But this incomplete love always finds me
In the end I always fall
4-17-01



oh how I have longed for this
how I have begged and begged for this
could it be real?
are you my shining one?
or is this too only illusion
only a harsh trick played by light
I have too many times reached for these stars
only to cut myself
on the false shimmer of broken glass
my soul cries for completion
for the one filled with star dust and light
one who shines as bright as I
am I grasping only at dreams
fooling myself into believing this
or are you my shining one out there?
are you the one for whom I wait?
4-19-01



I love to touch you
to feel your skin
smooth beneath my fingers
hard muscle underneath
to lay my head on your chest
coarse hair beneath my cheek
the safety of your arms around me
and heart beat under my ear
the softness of your lips on mine
the taste of you skin on my tongue
the weight of your body over me
this bliss is surely divine
4-20-01



I want to scream, long and loud
but fear inside grips me
fear that I will never stop
once started, it will never end
I am slipping into the blackness
getting caught in this mire
the screams echo with in
nothing can pull me out now
hope is nearly gone from me
please let this fire extinguish
I don't want to fight anymore
I am too weary to stand any longer
4-21-01




Sadness falls softly like a shadow
like twilight in November
before you know it darkness has fallen
And you have fallen to your knees

No diamonds have been spilled across my sky
No feathery beams of silver moon light embrace me
Only blackness surrounds me
Circling softly on talloned feet

I await a dawn I never see
Golden ribbons never uncurl before my eyes
With no warm kiss of the sun to rouse me
My soul lies lost, as birds circle round
04-01

Poetry

let me offer up my self
my hopes and fears too
I give it all up
for something that is true

let me offer up my praise
my anger and my love
it is in your hands
for your peace from above

let me offer up my self
all the strong and the weak
I give to you my dreams
for it is your face I seek
3-1-01



A fierce sadness in her soul
hair in shining waves below her shoulders
I want to heal this beauty before me
I want to ease this untamed creature

I know not how to help her
to ease this aching pain with in her
to pull the astounding loveliness from her soul
holding it up to show her all she is

where are the words of peace?
the joy when I need it most to show?
To expose all the wonders she could be
if only she would believe
03/02/01



I am no one's daughter
I stand alone
unclaimed in this city
this wilderness of concrete and brick
untie these silver ribbons
allow me to spread my wings
they itch at my back, wanting to stretch out
I want to fly
I want to rise above these walls
03-06-01



blind me with your love
still my thoughts with passion
you found a way into my heart
then left me out here alone
where are you when I need you now?
nothing here can fill this hole
I love you and I despise you
for making me into this
a weak creature longing for you
I want you near me this night
the moon refuses to show her face
mourning for this travesty in my heart
I am truly alone here
where are you when I need you most?
03-18-01



you have put me in a cage
however unknowing it may have been
you stole my heart from me
when was I negligent in my defenses?
I cling to the bars of my confines
awaiting your return to me
I feel desolate and alone
when will you shine upon me again?
You hold me hostage
what are your demands to set me free?
in your arms I soared
all else was faded shadows
yet I am left all alone
nothing to comfort me here
03-18-01



Alone thoughts crowd my mind
Thoughts of an alien, different kind
Please tell me I'm not something to help time pass
To be cut down like last autumn's grass
I don't want to be just another pair of arms to hold you near
Simply some one close to shut out your fear
I wonder if I should end it now before you break my heart
Maybe I would be released from this longing when we are apart
I wonder if I should simply push you away
Pretend I don't care, preserve my heart for one more day
3-27-01