Monday, April 30, 2001


hey boy, you know you don't
you know you don't dare now
to get too close to this flame
hey boy, it's too late to care now

hey boy, you know I won't
you know it's not for you I smile now
alone I've found my own joy
hey boy, I've been away awhile now

and little boy I can do this
you better not think to dare now
you made me run into the cold
hey boy, I don't even care now

A hopeless longing fills me
A dream I wish I could leave behind
For a loves face I dare not seek
Of these feelings I wish I could be blind
Why must love always haunt me
But never truly give itself to me
Lending me momentary joy, then pain
Until loneliness is all I can see
I never wished for this intrusion
I hid in safety behind my wall
But this incomplete love always finds me
In the end I always fall

oh how I have longed for this
how I have begged and begged for this
could it be real?
are you my shining one?
or is this too only illusion
only a harsh trick played by light
I have too many times reached for these stars
only to cut myself
on the false shimmer of broken glass
my soul cries for completion
for the one filled with star dust and light
one who shines as bright as I
am I grasping only at dreams
fooling myself into believing this
or are you my shining one out there?
are you the one for whom I wait?

I love to touch you
to feel your skin
smooth beneath my fingers
hard muscle underneath
to lay my head on your chest
coarse hair beneath my cheek
the safety of your arms around me
and heart beat under my ear
the softness of your lips on mine
the taste of you skin on my tongue
the weight of your body over me
this bliss is surely divine

I want to scream, long and loud
but fear inside grips me
fear that I will never stop
once started, it will never end
I am slipping into the blackness
getting caught in this mire
the screams echo with in
nothing can pull me out now
hope is nearly gone from me
please let this fire extinguish
I don't want to fight anymore
I am too weary to stand any longer

Sadness falls softly like a shadow
like twilight in November
before you know it darkness has fallen
And you have fallen to your knees

No diamonds have been spilled across my sky
No feathery beams of silver moon light embrace me
Only blackness surrounds me
Circling softly on talloned feet

I await a dawn I never see
Golden ribbons never uncurl before my eyes
With no warm kiss of the sun to rouse me
My soul lies lost, as birds circle round