Saturday, October 21, 2006

How Evil Are You?

You Are 48% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side.
Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.


Friday, October 20, 2006

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Your Linguistic Profile:
60% General American English
30% Yankee
5% Upper Midwestern
0% Dixie
0% Midwestern

I don't know quite what that 5% Upper Midwestern is, except proof that it's long past time for me to move!

Thursday, October 19, 2006

What Time Of Day Are You?

You Are Midnight

You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits.
Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle.
Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it.
You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Note to self, and God

Don't say I didn't try to reach out. Don't you dare say that I wanted to, or was willing to be this cynical and jaded. Don't you ever blame me for my lack of trust in other people. If these last couple of days have taught me nothing else, they have taught me that we are truly alone here. I've learned who my true friends are. Even they have not shown the same loyalty to me that I would, and have, shown to them. The only person I could have depended on to be there for me, I can't ask to be now. This is so hard for the both of us already. I can't ask himto be my strength when I feel weak any longer. I'm going to have to re-learn how to stand on my own, with out ever leaning on any one else. We really are so alone here. I wouldn't take my own life, but were I to die tonight, I would be ready. I don't want to be part of such a self-involved, uncaring world any more.

I thought we were better friends than this...

I have a friend that I thought was a really good friend. When she and her boyfriend broke up, I didn't think twice about offering to let her come to my place. For as long as she wanted, or needed for that matter. Because that's waht friends do, right? At least, that's what I always thought. When a close friend is in need, I will do what ever I can to help them. (I should note, that it does take me a long time to get to this point. I can count on on hand the people I would do this for. And I count myself very lucky that it takes more than one finger to count the people I'm willing to go this far for.)

Well, I broke up with my boyfriend (of almost 6 years) yesterday. I saw this friend, we'll call her Jane, on IM a couple of hours ago. I've been feeling much more lonely than I thought I would, so I said hello to her. I told her how lonely I was feeling, and that I was sitting alone, drinking. I also mentioned that I would really like some company right now.

She told me that I should call another friend. We'll call her Jen. ( I spent last night at Jen's apartment, on the couch.) She note's that that way, I'll at least have "a shoulder to cry on."

Now, I know that Jen has to be to work early tomarrow morning. Jane doesn't have to be to work until at least noon, if even then. I mention that, and that I know Jen would stay up all night with me if I asked, but she already has a lot on her plate right now. I don't want to add an extra burden to it.

She says okay, but if I stay at my place, not to drink too much, but she worries. I'm thinking "You worry? Yeah, right! If you worried, you'd be offering to come here, or for me to go there. You know how hard it is for me to open up to people, and to admit that I need any one else. You f*&^ing know how hard it was for me to say this to you, and you know that this is as close as I can come to asking you to be there for me right now."

I know that opening up to others is an area I need to work on. But I also know that she knows this. And that she knows that this is as close as I can come to asking for help. And she's too damn busy talking to her new boyfriend, or what ever to be there when I need her.

I am in so much pain right now. I am so tired of being the strong one, the dependable one. Sometimes I need some one to be there for me, and a chance to cry on some one else's shoulder. I'm so tired of crying alone.

Maybe I expect too much from people, but I really feel like this was a really crappy thing to do. I had thought that maybe the other lesson I had to learn from this was that I need to open up more, and let people in a little bit. Now I'm thinking that maybe the other lesson is that I can not depend on any one else to be there, ever. That I need to get by on what ever strength I can muster on my own. That we all are truely alone.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

So, things have changed

Well, I suppose I'm technically single now. Xombii & I talked about it yesterday. It was something that we both agreed was the right thing to do.

I know that we'll both be better for it in the long run. I know this is the right thing to do. I didn't know that it would be this hard after the initial conversation. I knew that was going to be hard, but I didn't know that it would stay this difficult after. I know that things will get better, but it sure as hell sucks right now.

How am I doing? Well, if you were to ask me, I'm sure I would say that I'm doing fine. However, I am sitting home alone, on the computer, the better part of the way through a bottle of Ephemere Green Apple ale. You can be the judge of how I'm really doing.

How Sinful Are You?

Your Deadly Sins
Lust: 40%
Sloth: 40%
Greed: 20%
Wrath: 20%
Envy: 0%
Gluttony: 0%
Pride: 0%
Chance You'll Go to Hell: 17%
You'll die from overexertion. *wink*

Monday, October 16, 2006

Are You More Cat or Dog?

You Are: 20% Dog, 80% Cat

You are are almost exactly like a cat.

You're intelligent, independent, and set on getting your way.

And there's no way you're going to fetch a paper for anyone!

Are You More Cat or Dog?

Heehee, that's really pretty true!

Sunday, October 15, 2006

What's Your Ideal Pet?

Your Ideal Pet is a Cat

You're both aloof, introverted, and moody.

And your friends secretly wish that you were declawed!