Note to self, and God

Don't say I didn't try to reach out. Don't you dare say that I wanted to, or was willing to be this cynical and jaded. Don't you ever blame me for my lack of trust in other people. If these last couple of days have taught me nothing else, they have taught me that we are truly alone here. I've learned who my true friends are. Even they have not shown the same loyalty to me that I would, and have, shown to them. The only person I could have depended on to be there for me, I can't ask to be now. This is so hard for the both of us already. I can't ask himto be my strength when I feel weak any longer. I'm going to have to re-learn how to stand on my own, with out ever leaning on any one else. We really are so alone here. I wouldn't take my own life, but were I to die tonight, I would be ready. I don't want to be part of such a self-involved, uncaring world any more.