The velvety darkness of night fell
With my doubts
And our clothes
We made our promises
By the light of the moon
And gave each other all we had
ourselves
(1996)
Sunrise
The sun rose
Outside
The window
And in my eyes
And I looked at you
As if for the first time
And saw the light
In your eyes too
And I knew the sun would never set
That you
Would be my light
Forever
(1996)
Life
It was the morning after
Life
Only I didn�t die today
When the sun rose
And I thought
This is a day to remember
The day I was alive
And the sun didn't burn
And neither did the pain
And the night wasn't so cold
Because I knew
You love me
(1996)
Breakfast
I ate a hash brown
And told you I loved you
And you asked me
Did I ever eat
And I said yes
Sometimes
And I knew
You loved me
As you smiled
And drank your
orange juice
(1996)
You touched my hand
You touched my heart
And we flew
Together
Dancing in the stars
You and I
(1996)
Reality
Am I real?
Am I alive?
Should I care?
Should I strive?
Is my reflection really me?
Am I really what you see?
If I touch my hand to yours
Will I feel as I did before?
Is this love ours to keep?
Do you see me in your sleep?
Are you the one to make me whole?
Are you the one to touch my soul?
Please be the one to make me feel
Please be the one to make me real
(96/97)
tame me
name me
turn me into something beautiful pure new
hold me
mold me
shape me
as strong as the mountains soft as the valleys
in me
win me
awake my mind body soul
mark me
spark me
set fire to my heart cool down my spirit
show me
know me
take me to another time place life
mend me
defend me
fix this broken heart hear these broken words
(96/97)
I smiled this morning
Into my Lucky Charms
Remembering
We used to eat them together
Everyday
And never wanted anything more
(Fall, 1997)
To be that idealistic & hopefull again!
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Ah, to be 17 again part 2 - teen-age angst
Dance of the Demons
They came back last night
To sit on my bed
They came back last night
To take me for dead
Demons dancing in my head
Singing in my mind
Demons dancing in my head
Say "Come, be of our kind"
Don't want the dark to come
They come with the fleeing of light
Don't want the dark to come
I won't get any sleep tonight
(96/97)
Demon eyes
if you look closely
in my eyes
you can see
the demons
that haunt me
that drive me
from me
that make me
want to end it all
so I can finally
get some
sleep
(96/97)
Momma
Momma, sit up with me tonight
I don't want to sleep
The monster in my closet moved
Into my head
And he won't go away
Momma, sit up with me tonight
I don't want to dream
Shadowy spider webs trap me
In their world
Where I always die
Momma, sit up with me tonight
I don't want to cry
(96/97)
Empty
Fell out of my shell again
Hurry
Pick up the pieces
Before somebody notices
And if they don't all fit
Well it's okay
I can do without
And if I put it all together wrong
Well that's okay too
At least I'm whole again
Fell out of my shell again
Better pick up the pieces
Before I notice
(96/97)
Eyes Sewn Shut
Mother, open your eyes,
Father, is it such a big surprise?
That I turned out this way,
That I'm not okay?
When you said I'd be a loser, an embarrassment to you,
After all those years, how could I not think it true?
A little faith was all I was needing,
And maybe my heart wouldn't be bleeding
I had to find my solace somehow,
Drugs and alcohol showed me how.
Life is a game I cannot win,
Although I may give up, I will not give in.
To your ideals and society's way,
What I feel is what I will say.
Because you had no faith, because you didn't believe,
Neither did I, and it is pain that I leave.
If you ever cared why didn't you say so?
Then maybe this wouldn't be the path I would have to go.
(96/97)
(Although the rest are all from my emotions/ experiences, this one has a large strand of truth at it's center, but is exaggerated a bit.)
Meta
Fading into the light
I lost my darkness somewhere
Tried to get it back
Found myself in nowhere
Slipped into the sun
Could not find a raindrop
Without the pouring water
Somehow felt my soul drop
Pulled off my star
Free falling in this lost space
Where is my shadowy comfort?
Need to find my own space
(96/97)
Stone
Harsh fluorescent light
From dull dusty lips
Hard cracked cement
Forms hand, feet, hips
Not all that special
Guess after all I'm like the rest
Just a rusty piece of metal
Far from the best
Mind made of brick
Heart made of stone
Is it any wonder
That I feel alone?
(96/97)
Wow! Everything seemed so much larger back then, didn't it? It seems like there really wasn't a lot of middle ground. Everything was either great, or terrible. I'm glad I've found some balance since then! I'm also glad to have learned that a poem doesn't have to rhyme to be good!
They came back last night
To sit on my bed
They came back last night
To take me for dead
Demons dancing in my head
Singing in my mind
Demons dancing in my head
Say "Come, be of our kind"
Don't want the dark to come
They come with the fleeing of light
Don't want the dark to come
I won't get any sleep tonight
(96/97)
Demon eyes
if you look closely
in my eyes
you can see
the demons
that haunt me
that drive me
from me
that make me
want to end it all
so I can finally
get some
sleep
(96/97)
Momma
Momma, sit up with me tonight
I don't want to sleep
The monster in my closet moved
Into my head
And he won't go away
Momma, sit up with me tonight
I don't want to dream
Shadowy spider webs trap me
In their world
Where I always die
Momma, sit up with me tonight
I don't want to cry
(96/97)
Empty
Fell out of my shell again
Hurry
Pick up the pieces
Before somebody notices
And if they don't all fit
Well it's okay
I can do without
And if I put it all together wrong
Well that's okay too
At least I'm whole again
Fell out of my shell again
Better pick up the pieces
Before I notice
(96/97)
Eyes Sewn Shut
Mother, open your eyes,
Father, is it such a big surprise?
That I turned out this way,
That I'm not okay?
When you said I'd be a loser, an embarrassment to you,
After all those years, how could I not think it true?
A little faith was all I was needing,
And maybe my heart wouldn't be bleeding
I had to find my solace somehow,
Drugs and alcohol showed me how.
Life is a game I cannot win,
Although I may give up, I will not give in.
To your ideals and society's way,
What I feel is what I will say.
Because you had no faith, because you didn't believe,
Neither did I, and it is pain that I leave.
If you ever cared why didn't you say so?
Then maybe this wouldn't be the path I would have to go.
(96/97)
(Although the rest are all from my emotions/ experiences, this one has a large strand of truth at it's center, but is exaggerated a bit.)
Meta
Fading into the light
I lost my darkness somewhere
Tried to get it back
Found myself in nowhere
Slipped into the sun
Could not find a raindrop
Without the pouring water
Somehow felt my soul drop
Pulled off my star
Free falling in this lost space
Where is my shadowy comfort?
Need to find my own space
(96/97)
Stone
Harsh fluorescent light
From dull dusty lips
Hard cracked cement
Forms hand, feet, hips
Not all that special
Guess after all I'm like the rest
Just a rusty piece of metal
Far from the best
Mind made of brick
Heart made of stone
Is it any wonder
That I feel alone?
(96/97)
Wow! Everything seemed so much larger back then, didn't it? It seems like there really wasn't a lot of middle ground. Everything was either great, or terrible. I'm glad I've found some balance since then! I'm also glad to have learned that a poem doesn't have to rhyme to be good!
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Meow! My name is Aeryn. And I am apparently up for adoption!
I found this under my real name while wandering around the web. I was greatly amused. I don't think I'd make a very good lap cat, but the rest is pretty close to the truth! *L*
Aeryn's info...
Color: White Sex: Female Age: Adult Hair: Long
Aeryn is:
already spayed
good with cats
up to date with shots
Aeryn's story...
Aeryn is a stunningly beautiful girl. She is shy and takes a bit to warm up but is very loving once you have gained her trust. We really believe that Aeryn would be a lap cat in a home environment. She loves to play peek-a-boo from behind boxes and likes to game play with you when you go to pick her up. She has never shown any sign of aggression with people or other cats. Aeryn needs a home where she can truly relax and let her wonderful and sweet personality shine. For more information on Aeryn please call (502)633-XXXX or Melissa (502)220-XXXX
Contact this shelter to adopt Aeryn ...
Shelter: Shelby County Humane Society
Contact: Lisa L____
Phone: (502) 633-XXXX
- Let 'em know you saw "Aeryn" on 1-800-Save-A-Pet.com!
E-mail: XXXXXXXXXXXXX@bellsouth.net
Our Adoption Process...
ADOPTION FEE: $50.00
An Adoption Application must be completed for each potential adoption and approved by a shelter representative also an Adoption Agreement must be signed at the time of adoption. The welfare of the animals in our care is of utmost importance. We make every possible effort to ensure that our animals are placed in safe and loving environments.
What do you think? Are you up to the challange of adopting me?
Aeryn's info...
Color: White Sex: Female Age: Adult Hair: Long
Aeryn is:
already spayed
good with cats
up to date with shots
Aeryn's story...
Aeryn is a stunningly beautiful girl. She is shy and takes a bit to warm up but is very loving once you have gained her trust. We really believe that Aeryn would be a lap cat in a home environment. She loves to play peek-a-boo from behind boxes and likes to game play with you when you go to pick her up. She has never shown any sign of aggression with people or other cats. Aeryn needs a home where she can truly relax and let her wonderful and sweet personality shine. For more information on Aeryn please call (502)633-XXXX or Melissa (502)220-XXXX
Contact this shelter to adopt Aeryn ...
Shelter: Shelby County Humane Society
Contact: Lisa L____
Phone: (502) 633-XXXX
- Let 'em know you saw "Aeryn" on 1-800-Save-A-Pet.com!
E-mail: XXXXXXXXXXXXX@bellsouth.net
Our Adoption Process...
ADOPTION FEE: $50.00
An Adoption Application must be completed for each potential adoption and approved by a shelter representative also an Adoption Agreement must be signed at the time of adoption. The welfare of the animals in our care is of utmost importance. We make every possible effort to ensure that our animals are placed in safe and loving environments.
What do you think? Are you up to the challange of adopting me?
Just 'cause I'm feeling a little negative
MOST HATED...
FRUIT: grapefruit
CANDY: watermelon Jolly Ranchers
BEVERAGE: Grapefruit juice
COLOR: pale orange-y brown
TOWN/CITY: Bethel, VT; Woodsville, NH (Sorry guys- just too many bad memories there.)
TV SHOW: I don't watch a lot of TV.
MOVIE: *shrugs* I dunno. I'm sure there is something I watched that I hated, I just can't think of any right now.
ASPECT OF MYSPACE: That I can't look at a list of all of my blog entries.
BUG: Fleas, or really, anything that bites.
SEASON: winter
AGE OF KIDS: As long as their parents actually parent, and the kids aren't little terrors, I like them at any age.
WHAT ANNOYS YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING WHEN...
DRIVING?: Other drivers.
WATCHING TV OR MOVIES: Falling asleep
EATING IN RESTAURANTS: Finding out that I don't like something after I've already ordered it.
GOING THROUGH DRIVE-THRUS: Getting home & finding out that I didn't get the whole order.
YOU'RE AT THE MALL: People who randomly stop in the middle of the aisle to gawk at a store window, instead of moving to side to look. Surprise! You're not the only person at the mall after all! People who walk 3,4,5 (etc.) abreast, so that they take up the entire aisle. Surprise! You're not the only person at the mall after all either! Ah hell, I should just say having to deal with the sheeple.
SLEEPING (OR TRYING TO SLEEP): Having to wake up
SHOWERING: Realizing I tossed the dirty towel in the laundry, but forgot to get a clean one.
YOU'RE AT THE BEACH: Remembering that I'm at a lake front beach, and that the water is probably full of some sort of gross bacteria that I don't want to swim in.
YOU'RE AT THE GROCERY STORE: Getting stuck behind that asshole who is trying to argue with the cashier over rather or not the 15 cent off coupon they have is valid. Really, it's 15 freakin' cents. It doesn't matter that much.
COOKING OR BAKING: Scrubbing the pots & pans.
WHAT HOUSEHOLD CHORE DO YOU HATE THE MOST?: dishes
WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING HABIT IN OTHERS?: Purposefulnt ignorance
WHAT IS YOUR WORST HABIT? procrastination
WHAT FASHION TREND (PAST OR PRESENT): ultra low rise jeans & belly shirts
WHAT POPULAR SONG (PAST OR PRESENT) HAVE YOU HATED THE MOST?: Really, I have no idea. I guess I just don't dwell on the things I dislike. *shrugs*
WORST OR MOST HATED PICKUP LINE: Anything that is supposed to impress me by way of material possessions or social status.
WORST THING ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL: Not realizing how unimportant the whole social scene really was.
MOST IRRITATING THING ABOUT YOUR CAR: Nothing! I don't have one, and I love that.
TO BE COMPLETELY STEREOTYPICAL, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE MOST ANNOYING THING ABOUT GIRLS?: Cattiness
TO BE COMPLETELY STEREOTYPICAL, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE MOST ANNOYING THING ABOUT GUYS?: The belief that 'real men' don't show emotion.
WHAT'S ANNOYING YOU TODAY?: my overly sensitive skin
FRUIT: grapefruit
CANDY: watermelon Jolly Ranchers
BEVERAGE: Grapefruit juice
COLOR: pale orange-y brown
TOWN/CITY: Bethel, VT; Woodsville, NH (Sorry guys- just too many bad memories there.)
TV SHOW: I don't watch a lot of TV.
MOVIE: *shrugs* I dunno. I'm sure there is something I watched that I hated, I just can't think of any right now.
ASPECT OF MYSPACE: That I can't look at a list of all of my blog entries.
BUG: Fleas, or really, anything that bites.
SEASON: winter
AGE OF KIDS: As long as their parents actually parent, and the kids aren't little terrors, I like them at any age.
WHAT ANNOYS YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING WHEN...
DRIVING?: Other drivers.
WATCHING TV OR MOVIES: Falling asleep
EATING IN RESTAURANTS: Finding out that I don't like something after I've already ordered it.
GOING THROUGH DRIVE-THRUS: Getting home & finding out that I didn't get the whole order.
YOU'RE AT THE MALL: People who randomly stop in the middle of the aisle to gawk at a store window, instead of moving to side to look. Surprise! You're not the only person at the mall after all! People who walk 3,4,5 (etc.) abreast, so that they take up the entire aisle. Surprise! You're not the only person at the mall after all either! Ah hell, I should just say having to deal with the sheeple.
SLEEPING (OR TRYING TO SLEEP): Having to wake up
SHOWERING: Realizing I tossed the dirty towel in the laundry, but forgot to get a clean one.
YOU'RE AT THE BEACH: Remembering that I'm at a lake front beach, and that the water is probably full of some sort of gross bacteria that I don't want to swim in.
YOU'RE AT THE GROCERY STORE: Getting stuck behind that asshole who is trying to argue with the cashier over rather or not the 15 cent off coupon they have is valid. Really, it's 15 freakin' cents. It doesn't matter that much.
COOKING OR BAKING: Scrubbing the pots & pans.
WHAT HOUSEHOLD CHORE DO YOU HATE THE MOST?: dishes
WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING HABIT IN OTHERS?: Purposefulnt ignorance
WHAT IS YOUR WORST HABIT? procrastination
WHAT FASHION TREND (PAST OR PRESENT): ultra low rise jeans & belly shirts
WHAT POPULAR SONG (PAST OR PRESENT) HAVE YOU HATED THE MOST?: Really, I have no idea. I guess I just don't dwell on the things I dislike. *shrugs*
WORST OR MOST HATED PICKUP LINE: Anything that is supposed to impress me by way of material possessions or social status.
WORST THING ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL: Not realizing how unimportant the whole social scene really was.
MOST IRRITATING THING ABOUT YOUR CAR: Nothing! I don't have one, and I love that.
TO BE COMPLETELY STEREOTYPICAL, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE MOST ANNOYING THING ABOUT GIRLS?: Cattiness
TO BE COMPLETELY STEREOTYPICAL, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE MOST ANNOYING THING ABOUT GUYS?: The belief that 'real men' don't show emotion.
WHAT'S ANNOYING YOU TODAY?: my overly sensitive skin
Monday, June 05, 2006
Where the jobs are in Central Vermont? or Why I don't live in VT
Where the jobs are in Central Vermont
Or perhaps, where the jobs aren't in Central Vermont.
Montpelier is the municipality that hosts the largest number of jobs in Central Vermont, but Berlin can make a case for "region's largest employment" community.
Berlin has ousted Barre City as the municipality with the second most jobs, and its ratio of jobs to residents far exceeds Montpelier's.
Overall, Central Vermont has a job for every two residents. Berlin has 3.6 jobs for every two residents, or 3.6 times the regional average. Montpelier has 2.2 jobs for every two residents, and is the only other municipality with more jobs than residents.
Northfield and Barre Town each have just over 1,800 jobs, but both are well below the regional average of jobs to residents.
As a side note, there are 1,800 jobs in Northfield, but 5,756 residents. Even once you factor in children and retired residents, you still get more residents than available jobs.
This is why I am not going to be moving back home anytime soon, despite the fact that I miss Vermont terribly.I'm so homesick for the mountains, the fresh air, the little ice cold streams, the fresh air, the people, being able to see the stars, and so many other things. Someday...
Or perhaps, where the jobs aren't in Central Vermont.
Montpelier is the municipality that hosts the largest number of jobs in Central Vermont, but Berlin can make a case for "region's largest employment" community.
Berlin has ousted Barre City as the municipality with the second most jobs, and its ratio of jobs to residents far exceeds Montpelier's.
Overall, Central Vermont has a job for every two residents. Berlin has 3.6 jobs for every two residents, or 3.6 times the regional average. Montpelier has 2.2 jobs for every two residents, and is the only other municipality with more jobs than residents.
Northfield and Barre Town each have just over 1,800 jobs, but both are well below the regional average of jobs to residents.
As a side note, there are 1,800 jobs in Northfield, but 5,756 residents. Even once you factor in children and retired residents, you still get more residents than available jobs.
This is why I am not going to be moving back home anytime soon, despite the fact that I miss Vermont terribly.I'm so homesick for the mountains, the fresh air, the little ice cold streams, the fresh air, the people, being able to see the stars, and so many other things. Someday...
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