Thursday, July 20, 2006

Please excuse me one moment while I un-bunch my panties.

Please excuse me for one moment, but I've got my panties in a bunch, and I need to vent. In fact they've been bunched for a little while now. I tried to ignore it, but that didn't really work out so well for me, so I'm going to get it out of my system now.

I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF ALL THIS BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I did type that is Caps to denote yelling. I think you all know who you are! I am just so sick of it. And tired. I'm so fucking emotionally drained. I'm sick of being miserable about things I can't deal with, and I'm so sick of crying. I've done enough of it already this year. I have enough of my own shit to deal with, I just don't have the time or the energy for the passive-aggressive bullshit right now.

Point One- If you have something to say to me, just say it. Please! If it's something I don't want to hear, or something that may hurt me, don't you think I'll just figure it out eventually anyway? And don't you think it'll hurt me more to find that you didn't feel you could talk to me openly?

Point Two- If you tell other people, it will get back around to me eventually. That's just the way it is. So I wish you'd just tell me in the first place, and avoid the middle man!

Point Three- If you are upset because we are not spending as much time together as we used to, why in the hell wouldn't you say something to me. Something like "Hey, you haven't been around lately. Is everything okay?" just may be a good fucking place to start. Because, yeah, nothing was okay this winter. I felt like my life was falling down around me. I'm still picking up the pieces. So this fucking "Who does Aeryn like better?" bullshit really hurts. It really fucking hurts. More than I can even attempt to convey. In more ways then one. I feel that anyone who really knows me, and cares about me would have called me if I hadn't been around for a couple of weeks, and made sure things were okay. And that anyone who really knows me would know that I don't just drop old friends for knew ones. Period. I have more than one friend that if I met today, I would probably never get to know. But that it irrelevant, because they are my friend. End of story.

Point Four- I guess I'm just really upset. And disappointed. Not just in you, but in myself too. For not being a better judge of character. For allowing myself to love you as friends. I have spent so much time tying to tell myself that it doesn't matter to me. That I could just be the bigger person and let it go. Well, big fucking surprise for me, I can't. No matter how many times I tell myself I can. I have spent so much time being upset over these things, and so much time crying over them, that I just can't to any more. I don't want to, and I don't have the energy. If you have something to say to me, just say it to my face. I think that I deserve that much respect just as a person, if nothing else.

So yeah, thank you to all of you who have actually read this. I think those of you who this is in reference to will know it I hope that, well I don't know what I hope. I know that I feel better for saying it. I guess I hope that it can be a learning experience for us all, and that we can all do better next time.

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