Thursday, November 02, 2006

A Few Random Thoughts

So, I was going to do a real post today. I was going to do an art post, with links & cool pictures & everything! However, I only had one site that I found interesting enough to share, so I'm just going to wait until next week. So you get a personal update post instead. After all, that's the reason I started a blog, wasn't it? Hold on for just a minute, because I'm not so sure now.

*goes back into my archives & looks it up* (April 2, 2006 if you're interested.)

Yup, that is the reason that I started it. I think that I'm getting better about the whole opening up thing. I really do. Sure I've had a few set backs. A couple of very painful experiences regarding trusting other people with my feelings, and a lot of heartbreak. I've learned a lot though. About myself, about people I thought I knew, and about human nature in general. And a hell of a lot about love.

At this point I'd like to say thank you to all of those people that have helped me gain all of this insight. Some of you know who you are.

And I'd like to say an even larger thank you to all of you who have been there for me while all this learning has taken place. I don't know how I would have managed it with your unending patience, beers, offers to crash on your couch, distractions and shoulders to cry on through all of my circular logic, mopey silences, grieving, finally accepting things as they are, and all of my scatteredness with all of the change going on. Bev & Patience, you have both gone above & beyond the call of friendship, and I am so thankful for you both. There are no words to tell you the gratitude, respect, and love I have for both of you.

I'm looking forward to 2007. This has been a pretty rough year for pretty much every one I know. At least there is finally light on the horizon!

I'm also looking forward to Seattle. A new city, a fresh start and all that. I think that I'm going to end up needing to pretty much cut ties with everyone for a few months once I get there. Not so much for my sake as for every one else's. I know that I'm going to self destruct a bit. And now that I've cured myself of all of my vices, it's going to happen in more subtle ways. It's probably going to be pretty messy inside of my head for a while. No one else needs to see that. Yes, I know that's what my friends are there for. I don't want to drag any one else down with me. Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything harmful to myself. I'm not going to take up any unsafe behaviors, I promise. I won't let myself sink too low either. I've been through much worse and been able to pull myself back out of it. I don't expect this time will be any different. Plus, I enjoy life way too much to let myself stay down for very long.

Things are already so much better than they were a month ago even. I've been able to strengthen a few old friendships, and make a couple of new ones. One person in particular has done a lot to help restore my faith in humanity in general. It's kind of funny how much we affect each other's lives, often with out realizing it. After having only known him for more than a day or so, he already had quite an impact on me. I've very glad to have meet him, even if he may be trying to kill me!

Okay, I think that this is enough sharing for one day!

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